25-35 is such a weird fucking age because you’re 100% a bread-and-butter Standard Edition Millennial but the cool teens are like “ok boomer” because you have a Real Job but the actual Boomers at your job are like “I’m not going to listen to a literal fucking child” as they download 16 self-replicating viruses and meanwhile the Gen Xers are telling you to refinance a mortgage for a house you don’t have and you’re sitting there at the Adults Table with the pretty tasty casserole you cooked because you’ve finally figured out how to do that now but everyone is eating the Boomer’s store-bought macaroni instead and admittedly they do sort of taste similar so it probably wasn’t worth all the trouble of cooking from scratch and you’re trying to comfort the freshly-graduated sobbing 22-year-old next to you because she just woke up here and doesn’t know where she is but you have like maybe 5k dollars in a savings account labelled RETIREMENT that grows approx. twelve cents a year and you keep eating dry macaroni while smiling incomprehensibly and periodically blacking out like ??????????
The fact that Dante created the most popular image of the afterlife with absolutely no theological basis for it will still be the funniest thing to me
Church: Heaven is eternal connection with God, while Hell is total separation from Him. Anything else is only speculation.
Dante: Actually Hell has layers like an onion, and the devil is big and mean and also frozen. People are fighting and there’s a mountain to get to Heaven and a nice place for babies. Also I know this because I went there with my friend :)
Dante: I had a dream where I astral projected into hell with the famous poet Virgil who I am totally Best Bros with. I wrote a poem about it if you wanna read it idk
Several Popes: Thank you king I am commissioning fan art of you
Maybe the gayest reaction I’ve ever had to something was when I was like 14 and reading ‘Twilight’ for the first time, and when Bella first said she was in love with Edward I was like, “what the fuck. Since when? He’s your friend.” I legit thought she was interested in him out of like,,,,,,, professional curiosity smh
I’m gonna write ‘Twilight’ fanfic in which Bella is a lesbian and Edward is gay, and they’re best human/vampire mates who solve murders together. I’m going to change all the character names and publish it under the title ‘Blood Buddies’.
[not]Bella: I know things were probably pretty dire in the 1800s, sex-wise, but you could’ve… I don’t know, been an Oscar Wilde boy toy. You’re pretty enough.
[not]Edward: Do you enjoy this? Do you enjoy causing me pain?
[not]Bella: …you’re the oldest twink in the world. How does that feel?
Description: Just cosy common room fluff & all the pet names
Warnings: none
___
Remus was still hunched over his transfiguration textbook when Sirius came up behind him. He let his hands rest on Remus’s shoulders, thumbs massaging into the tense muscle there while he stared sleepily into the fireplace.
“You done?”
Remus just made a noise and shook his head.
Sirius leaned down so he could nose at the soft, warm skin at his neck.
“Come on, sweetheart. Don’t make me carry you up there.” He murmured.
That got Remus’ attention. “Did you just…?”
“What?” Sirius bit back a smile.
Finally, Remus looked up from his essay. “Did you just call me sweetheart?”
Sirius cocked his head. “So what if I did, honey?”
Remus rolled his eyes, but Sirius didn’t miss the way that little dimple in his left cheek gave him away.
“Got a problem with nicknames, love?”
Remus shook his head, letting it fall against Sirius as he looked up at him through hooded eyes. “Not ones from you, sunshine.”
Sirius’ gaze flickered just slightly. “Okay then, darling.” His voice had lowered. “Come to bed.”
Remus blinked, drinking in the way Sirius was looking down at him for a few more long moments.
“Mkay, baby.” He said it as he exhaled, letting the weight drop from his shoulders as he thought about crawling into bed with Sirius.
Sirius leaned over him, carefully gathering his papers and sliding them into his schoolbag. Remus’s heart warmed as he slung it over his shoulder.
He hadn’t realised just how exhausted he felt until Sirius’s heavy hand found its way back to his shoulder, massaging gently.
Remus slumped down into the cushions and closed his eyes. “Does that offer to carry me still stand, pads?”
Sirius chuckled, skirting round the sofa. “C’mere, gorgeous.”
The contrast between episode 1 Caleb and Current Caleb really is wild.
Ep1 Caleb: Shrinking away from all attention, laughing despairingly at the idea of going to the academy, minimizing his magic to the simplest of tricks.
Current Caleb: Burning high level spells to toss his friends into snowbanks, massive dork, turning his magic into its own art form, going absolutely apeshit over a necromantic gem that’s wounding his pride.
